VIEW THE MUSIC VIDEO:
First off, full credit to my son and friend, Sylas Boesten (Fathom Films), for offering to shoot and edit his first-ever music video. I am so honoured and stoked to do our first protect together. Also, thanks to Nathan Peacock for helping to shoot and work with the audio on this live off-the-floor recording.
Near the end of my second marriage, I was desperately trying to whisk up hope. Hope for our relationship. Hope that my life could be peaceful again. Hope that this marriage wouldn’t be so bloody painful.
One fall afternoon, as I was riding my motorbike on a high, windy road above Okanagan Lake at life-threatening speeds, I had this fleeting thought: What if I just crank my handlebar and end it? The fact that I even HAD that thought scared me into picturing what would actually happen if I kicked the bucket … and eventually led to the inspiration for this song.
The verses are written for my kids—instructions on what to do with my remains when I have left this earth. The chorus is a conversation between God and me as a bit of a prophetic anthem to my soul to have hope.
The ache of losing my dad (2008) and then my first wife of 16 years to cancer (2014) has left scars for me and our two kids that we are still discovering. I am learning how to properly and fully grieve. How to heal. How to forgive. And the most beautiful thing about these discoveries is that I am not alone.
One night as a couple of my bros and I were hanging out in a hot tub, my buddy Seth read a short passage out of a book he was reading, and as he spoke one of the lines, “gentle redirection,” I was instantly brought to tears. This perspective is one that I am choosing to hang on to as one that resonates with my heart and with the heart of God to all who are working through painful stories of loss, rejection, and distrust.
I hope that my story will inspire your story; you are not alone, and although it may sound simplistic or worse—non-empathic and cliché—it isn’t over.
released April 16, 2019
Nico Boesten - Fender Rhodes / vox
Nathan Peacock - Audio Recording